dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
