We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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