put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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