if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
