I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Two words: blizzard sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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