We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
