Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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