I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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