but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
