birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I pour the whiskey from now on
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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