So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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