Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
