I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
