how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
