is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Are we still banned from the library?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
