i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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