Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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