Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
