you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
