Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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