1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
