He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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