so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
