Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If I die, sorry about rent.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
