No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
