I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
