just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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