Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize