i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
