if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
