i think i have two assholes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
