Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
