I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm like, not good at living.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
