The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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