Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
