Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sarcasm needs its own font
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize