everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
