Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
