Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
