I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
