Dual....:-)
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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