you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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