he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
