I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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