I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
