dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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