Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
vagina is talking i cant
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
