My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
