I think my vagina is haunted
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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