Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
