I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
