Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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