Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
