He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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