I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
