Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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