omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
