tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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