He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
