i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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