dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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