last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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