decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
