Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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