"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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