just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
