Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
